Harry Potter Should Have Died
by Captain Holly Short of the LEP
Summary: Ever hoped that Harry could have died earlier? Or maybe are really annoyed at the fact that there are many times that he should have died? Well here you go...starting from Book One. Harry Potter Should Have Died.


**Hi, this is Captain Holly Short of the LEP. The major Artemis Fowl fan writing her first Harry Potter fic! Enjoy. Warning: Black Humour**

* * *

"No, Harry!" Hermione shouted as Harry mounted the broom. He shrugged it off, placing his feet firmly on the ground for a take off.

"I've got to get Neville's Remembrall!" he shouted, pushing hard against the ground. The remaining Gryffindors and Slytherins watched as Harry rose high into the air, then catapulted into a nearby tree, falling off the broomstick and because he was at such a great height and the tree was the Whomping Willow, he fell down, dead. Malfoy chuckled evilly and soon all the students were in hysterics, rolling on the ground. Malfoy lowered back down, as he didn't want to follow the stupid boy's example and fall off his broom. When he was on firm ground, he handed the Remembrall to Hermione.

"You give that to Neville when he gets out of the Infirmary," he said. Hermione high fived him, taking the Remembrall.

"Congratulations Malfoy," she said, "we were wondering how long it would take that pompous jerk to finally die like he was meant to when he was one." Malfoy grinned back, glancing sideways at the dead body, being pulled apart by the Whomping Willow.

"MALFOY!!!" yelled a voice. Everyone turned to see McGonagall walking towards them, closely followed by Madame Hooch. McGonagall walked up to the shaking Malfoy and shook his hand.

"My congratulations for finally killing the Boy Who Lived," she said. "One hundred points to Slytherin! How did you manage it?" Malfoy smirked.

"It was nothing really," he said. "He did it all by himself."

* * *

"No, Harry!" yelled Ron. But Harry didn't listen. He jumped onto the troll's back. But somehow he timed it wrong and ended up catapulting over the troll's head.

"Idiot," mumbled Ron, watching his best friend die. "I've told him time and time again not to make stupid moves. But here we are again and this time. Dead. Oh well," he said. He pulled Hermione out from her hiding place and together they stunned the troll. Dumbledore then ran into the bathroom, the other teachers behind him.

"What happened?" McGonagall exclaimed. Ron shrugged his shoulders.

"Well Harry, being the cocky, dumb wizard that his was, jumped onto the troll's back and fell off the other side," Ron said. "I told him not too. But did he listen? No." McGonagall laughed.

"He always wanted to be the dumb Gryffindor hero. Now he's dead. Oh well," she said, smiling slightly. Dumbledore had gone to inspect the body.

"There's no blood," he said, "so it's easy to clean up. I hate cleaning up all the dead bodies. Such a pain," he said. "At least the kid with the big ego chose a way that not much has to be cleaned up." He chuckled as Filch skipped along to clean up the body, whistling 'Oh When The Saints' Dumbledore joined in, and soon all the teachers including Snape, were singing along.

* * *

"Hermione, are you sure that's the right potion to stop the flames?" asked Harry nervously. Hermione nodded.

"I am absolutely positive," she said. "Now drink it." She waited for him to take it, trying to keep a straight face. Harry's face started to go purple. He choked and shuddered.

"Whoops!" said Hermione. "Wrong one!" Harry collapsed onto the floor, dead. Hermione chuckled.

"Now to tell Ron and Dumbledore that our plan worked," she said. She sculled another potion that made it possible for her to go back to the giant chess board. When she got to it, she found Ron awake, waiting nervously.

"Did it work?" he asked. Hermione nodded. Ron yelled loudly, in happiness.

"Yes it did," Hermione said, once he had calmed down. "He fell for it straight away, the stupid git. I would have thought that he would have noticed the label on the bottle. Dumbledore will be so proud of us!" And he sure was! 1000 points each for Gryffindor.

* * *

**OK, what did you think? Book Two coming soon: Basilisks and Diaries**


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